Growing up I played a lot of team sports. Raised on baseball and soccer, later introduced to football, the standard American fare. While in the High School years, I started to develop some major competitive reactions. I’d take it personally when the team didn’t do well. This led to a lot of frustration, and really a feeling of impotent rage. My rational mind would eventually kick in and I’d get through the hardship, whatever it was. But try as I might the initial reaction was often rage. When mixed with teenage hormones, that tended to end very poorly.

While in the college years I found volleyball. With the new sport came a new appreciation for the team. Accurately I concluded I was not even close to as talented as the people I played with. Rather, I was most likely the one causing them to get frustrated when things weren’t going well. However, I continued to play and did eventually get better. With that however came the expectation to do well. I’d hold myself and teammates to a standard that wasn’t realistic. Resulting in those same old feelings of impotence and anger.

January of 2014 I blew out my knee, badly. Volleyball was done, at least for a year. As it turned out this was a bit of a blessing in disguise, while the recovery period sucked, and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone, taking a break from sports turned out great. During the recovery process I had a lot of Physical Therapy to get through, which meant lifting weights. This however, was the only activity I was getting, so I started to put on weight. Once I was cleared by the doc to, I started running and lifting more frequently to get rid of that weight, and it turned out, I kinda liked it.

Running became a new found enjoyment, as did lifting to a much lesser extent. I could push myself as hard as I felt comfortable with. When I started to see that I could continue to add distance, my friend Andy talked me into doing a 5k… which turned into a 5 miler, then 1/2 marathon, marathon, etc. A new competitive spirit emerged, not with pitting myself against others in races, but pitting myself against the race. Each course and distance became a new challenge. I found it thrilling to continue to push at the borders of what I thought myself capable of.

Eventually this competitive drive brought me to triathlon. Having not swam since I was a kid, nor every ridden a road bike, let alone a tri bike. The drive to test myself, to prove to me and me alone that this was possible convinced me to enter the Madison Wi, 1/2 Ironman in June of 2018.

Now, I’m not trying to say that my competitive nature vs other people is completely dormant, in fact it is very much a driving force on the race course. However, entering into individual competition, I’m not the one going there to win it. I’m going there to beat my previous self. Setting personal records in speed and distance has become the goal. If on the course I can use the surge of adrenaline passing someone gives to accomplish that goal, fantastic. But passing others in direct competition with them is not the goal.

It becomes quite an interesting perspective. The competitive spirit is still very much alive, but through individual sport, it becomes focused differently. The betterment of self is the direct objective, not the effort to prove the betterness over another. I can see this even in the professionals within the distance running and triathlon world. While each wants to win. They are driven farther than I could ever imagine to get to that point, they are respectful and supportive of there fellow athletes on the course. Each knowing the suffering being inflicted upon the other to continue. The strangest thing I’ve seen in these regards is that the longer the race gets, the more comradary and less competition between individuals seems to be present. The ‘Ohana’ is formed… but I think that may be best explored within another post.

While I do still occasionally play volleyball, and I do occasionally find myself slipping back into those old familiar feelings, creating a separation from it in my life has become important. While I do miss playing, I must make an effort to not let things get out of perspective, while ensuring I stay far away from tournaments.

For me this all boils down to a simple concept.

• Competing directly against another person
• Competing directly against yourself

Now I think I’ve come to a point where I don’t need to know if I’m better than someone else, but I KNOW I can be better than I was yesterday.