This is a different sort of post, a confession or acknowledgement of sorts about the current trajectory of life. I’ve stepped back from the long endurance workouts to the extreme the past year since the Double weekend at Ironman Madison last year, and I’m finally feeling that now’s the time to talk about it.

After that race last year, I decided to take a bit of focus shift to work on a project (to be discussed in detail soon!), and was just running as the next race on the calendar was Kettle Moraine 100 miler, in June, a redemption race from an ankle injury deferral from 2022. I wasn’t as motivated for this one, and kind of slacked a bit on the training. Bouncing back from injury and not being properly afraid of the race, my attentions wandered, as they tend to do.

After the holidays, I planned to buckle down and start trying to take it seriously, but I ended up with the 2nd round of Covid in January, hitting me harder than the first. Spring was approaching, and I was attempting to pile on the miles as best I could. But something didn’t feel quite right. I was constantly tired. I couldn’t get my heart rate accelerated without feeling just terrible and light headed and then I felt like I was randomly having arrythmia or something actually wrong with my heard, including chest pains while running.

It was starting to worry me, to the point I was talking it over with my wife Kelly and we decided I should at least get checked out before running 100 miles about 3 months from that point.

In to the doc, we had a conversation, he ran some basic tests and the findings came back that I was perfectly normal. With the previous endurance activities and the blood work, nothing should be wrong at all. But I still didn’t feel right, the chest issues continued and I struggled through training.

Come race day, I got through it, with difficulty, but I was happy to get through it. The only race on the calendar for the year, I had started yet another project and wanted to focus on family time as much as I could.

But I kept feeling worse and worse. Coughing fits were now common several times a week. I couldn’t run more than 6 miles and occasionally even felt dizzy while walking. So back to the doctor I went, and more tests. I was grateful to have my friend Dave Lyon do my echo, as he’s an 8 time Kona Ironman, and understands the situation and frustrations. But again, everything comes back normal, completely average.

But I still feel like garbage.

Three months ago I ran 100 miles, yesterday I biked a slow 9 miles and ran 3. Then felt terrible for a day and a half.

I pushed it yesterday at times though. After the echo, when everything should be good to go, I pushed past what I felt like should for the past several months. I ran harder than I felt I should, just to do it. To push the envelope, to feel some kind of progress forward again, instead of the surprisingly rapid descent I seem to be on.

Why write this post?

During the workouts yesterday, for the first time in a long time, I wanted to push back against this tide. I’m sick of jogging 10:30 minute miles and having to rest on the couch for 20 minutes after a 40 minute ‘run’. It’s time to take control once again of my body and the trajectory I want my physical journey to go in.

Writing this makes me accountable.

Not to you reading it, or anyone other than myself. But the process of writing it down, sharing it. Makes it real. It makes me feel as though I have something to work towards, a reason to get up early and get it done, a reason to push when it hurts and a reason to keep moving forward.

I’m back to starting out slowly, listening to what my body’s telling me and pushing when and where I can. It’s going to be a long road back to Ironman ’25, but that’s the plan. Additionally, I’ll continue to work with the healthcare professionals and try to figure out what’s actually going on. But the best guess they have right now is the ambiguous ‘Long Covid.’ Something that isn’t treatable and isn’t known what it all entails or how long it’ll all last. Frustrating to say the least.

If you’ve managed to continue reading at this point, I really hope you’ll set yourself a goal for the next year as well. Everybody is dealing with something, and everyone’s at a different place. But making a goal, grinding out the work towards completing that goal and going out there and attempting to complete it, is a purposeful step towards improving yourself. We’re only here a short time, and from what I can tell, life is all about taking those steps for as long as we can. You never really know how far the ripples will reach out.

Fall may be the end of summer, but it’s always been about new beginnings to me. It’s time to turn the page and keep pushing.